It's been awhile... I have not felt in the blogging spirit really. The momentum of the house being built really gave this blog it's driving force. That momentum and the (nearly) daily celebration of that positive was a huge part of what got me through that really difficult time. As friends and family know, aside from the personal losses, we had a horrendous time with our insurance company. Unfortunately that battle is still not completely over and I hesitate to completely "out" that company's bad behavior publicly on the internet until we're completely done with them. But I digress...
I'm posting because I got a really sweet email from a blog friend checking in because I've been so quiet for a while...
Aside from the fire, losing my dad and dealing with this pituitary tumor have also, obviously, not been the easiest things to deal with.... and the "rebuilding" from these two things is not nearly as celebratory. I can't separate the pain from the "recovery" in either case, if that makes sense-- neither is the "recovery" so glamorous or exciting to blog about.
I can't really even put words to the loss of my dad right now...
I'm basically fully recovered from surgery- and while it was "successful" in that the tumor was removed and there were no complications etc. etc., my cycle hasn't returned and I'm feeling increasingly dismayed about that. I'll wait another month before going back for more tests etc., but it's all starting to get to me. The promise of starting a family is something I've looked forward to for years... and has been another thing that kept me going through these challenging times. Moving back into our house-- everyone (ourselves included) were saying well, now you need some happiness, you need some positive news, you need some little ones to fill those bedrooms!! Well easier said than done.. I guess... or something....
I'm hopeful and worried. I'm sad and optimistic. I'm really trying to be patient but at times feel disheartened. I worry that we may be at the beginning of a long road while being hopeful that I'm wrong.
...and I don't really know that this blog is the right place to go into ALL that....
Before I sign off I do want to be sure I'm not misunderstood-- I am happy. I am so in love with my husband. I am living in an absolute to-die-for house. I have the most wonderful family and friends. There is So much joy in my life-- the little things like baking croissants, planting bulbs, teaching piano lessons, entertaining friends.... Please don't think I'm lying in bed with the covers pulled over my head lamenting about my woes! I like to think I have strength of spirit-- not intrinsic, maybe, but I've found it thanks to my husband, friends, family.. and- honestly- thanks to the challenges thus far. So maybe I'll pop back on to post about a dinner party or when I get the sewing machine up and running for the winter or hopefully (pls cross your fingers, toes and braid your hair) with some baby news someday.......
until then....
xo
julia
