I've been sporadic with blogging of late, but this is an official time out for now.
My father who has been ill for many years with what was diagnosed as an unusual presentation of Alzheimer's had a severe decline this last week. He now bedridden and not really eating or drinking. My brother has flown in from San Fransisco. I've been in CT with my family.
It is so heartbreaking.
I am so thankful that mom and dad made it to our house for easter. I am so thankful for having such amazing love in our family.... Everything feels so upside down. We're all sad and numb and tearful and doing our best to make sure dad is comfortable.
When I was little, we would vacation on Martha's Vineyard. My father loved to sail. He would take my brother and I out in the little sunfish individually and teach us some basics. He instructed me on how to deal with a change in wind, how to change the course of direction, how to travel upwind. His large hand atop mine on the rudder he would cue, "Ready about?" Gleefully I'd yell out 'Helms-a-lee!" and together we'd push the rudder away, duck our heads as the boom swung over us and the sail flapped in the wind before filling again with air to pull us in another direction.
Lately, these sorts of memories have flooded my mind and this is one that's stuck. I think because my father always looked so happy with the sun and the salty sea air in his face. I can picture the way his eyes smiled as he gazed out at the ocean or back on shore where my mom and brother would give us goofy waves. That was a perfect time and I like to daydream myself back there, wishing that changing course was as easy now.