It's six thirty am. After a bit of a sleepless night, I'm not feeling any better about the paint situation. If he had gotten a delayed-opening or a snow day, dear husband was going to go with me to the house come sunrise, but he's running off to school now. I'm on my own. I really really hope it looks better in day light. In the meantime, I'm moving onto the floors.
Here's the stain we're currently leaning towards, "dark walnut".
Here it is again: